...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
