he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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