Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
