Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
