Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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