I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
