you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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