Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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