I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
