At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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