Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
