so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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