bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
