my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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