just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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