3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
