Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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