If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
