I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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