remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just high enough for therapy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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