In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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