I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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