All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
