My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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