What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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