spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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