I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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