You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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