I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize