I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
