He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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