1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
