im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
