Don't make out with my wife yet
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
