i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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