So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
