We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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