I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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