I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
