I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
