I love black thongs
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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