I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
