fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
