She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
