Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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