well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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