i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
