I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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