I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
