well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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