I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Even my vagina gasped.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
