I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
