I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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