You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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