you would pick up someone in the library
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
