yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
