Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
