You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
