So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
