Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
