Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize