my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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