God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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