The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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