hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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