Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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