Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
