my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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