Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
