I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I want to fling myself into the sun
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize