I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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