I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
