coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
