Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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